My thoughts on parenting today...

My thoughts on parenting today…

I have a 2 year old who my wife and I love dearly. I don’t proclaim to be a parenting expert, or expert on anything I say or write for that matter. I’m a Christian who simply reads and studies the bible with striving to love the Lord whole-heartedly everyday. I am also privileged to work with children of various ages everyday (except the last 2 summers!) for the last 6 years. With that being said I have some thoughts on parenting today. Many of you may think I’m harsh or disagree, but I want to ask you to please be patient and read what I have to say before judging.

Working with children for years, studying parenting and discipline, becoming a Christian, and having my own toddler has leaded me to some conclusions that I think are vital in society today, especially the Christian one. I love working with and mentoring children. Not just because it is fulfilling or gives you a sense of joy to have an impact on someone else’s life. They are just simply unique, creative, wonderful, and still maintain that innocence that we lose in our teenage years and adult-hood that we shouldn’t. They see the world in a whole different light than many of us do and often remind us of that through their outlook and actions in life.

I believe one of the biggest problems today in parenting is relationship. What I mean is the relationships amongst parents and children are not what they used to be like. Parents used to be parents, not a friend or a supplier to their child’s earthly desires. A child is someone who lives UNDER the husband or wife. Not someone the family revolves around.

I believe, especially now, the design of the family, the way God intended it, is being twisted. According to scripture this should be our order of priorities; God, spouse, children, parents, extended family, brothers and sisters in Christ, and then the rest of the world.

You can actually see through TV programs through out the years how the priorities are greatly changing. How did we go from Leave it to Beaver and Andy Griffith to My Sweet 16 and other reality shows where the parents are sacrificing for their child’s happiness? We live in a generation where children are being severely spoiled regardless of their level of income. Children have this outlook that everything should revolve around them and I believe it’s making a standard to all parents that they simply cannot achieve, at least without sacrificing financially, mentally, or physically.

I want to emphasize that I’m not saying TV is bad or trying to make your child happy is wrong. But I believe the extent parents are going to please a child are ridiculous today. The happiest people are the one’s who are humbled and realize their blessings no matter what they are in comparison to others. I truly believe that. A lot of parents are catering to a child’s desires like many “Christians” think God should cater to theirs. God is not a divine butler and neither are parents. That is not the design and when you try to mess with that you will see the repercussions.

Being a parent is a noble, privileged, and rewarding responsibility. Yes, it is trying at times, but a quote I like to use often is, “if you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere”. Isn’t that the truth? If everything was fine and dandy all the time then there would be no room for growth or we wouldn’t be able to appreciate what we have accomplished. God strengthens us through our weaknesses.

I want to go back to what I said though, it is OUR responsibility. A school, day care, TV program, or anything else will not raise your children. They will have influences on them, which are why we should guard our children to a certain extent, but it is still our responsibility.

Today most children find out things they shouldn’t be finding out from other children because A. Parents haven’t told them yet B. They are not comfortable with telling them C. They do not care and decides to leave it up to someone else. D. A combination of two or three of these. Then when a child picks up a practice or idea that is not right from someone else, parents begin to point the finger at everyone, but themselves. It’s crazy! Rather than getting mad as parents we should either prevent the problem by talking with them or address it with our children when it happens.

Again, I am not saying to keep your kid out of day care and school. I am simply emphasizing that we need to make more time for our children personally whether that is having them play less sports, lessons, or limiting TV time.

Everyone watching a TV program together isn’t really spending “quality” time together. You’re in the same room, but there is no communication going on. It’s kind of like when people that don’t know each other go on a date to the movies. They are sitting there, but are they really getting to know each other? My family and I do watch TV together, but we also have devotionals. Meaning, we’ll all lie on the floor together and play, talk, read, cuddle, anything that lets our child know we are paying attention to him. We also read the bible to him everyday. It doesn’t matter if he understands it or not, but he will grow up understanding that it is important to read and obey God’s word. It’s about engaging in quality interactive time with the child.

As parents we should be giving children this kind of attention (not necessarily lying on the floor) at any age. I’ve worked with a lot of children and seen a lot of behavior issues. I’m convinced the #1 problem is parenting. Yes, I know ADHD and ADD exist, but that is not what causes the kind of disrespect, defiance, and laziness that are unacceptable and on the rise. There are many “excuses” for these issues, but what it all boils down to is simply parenting and lack of true discipline. I may have to write a whole other blog on discipline, but that’s for another day!

I am not saying parenting is easy because it’s not and if it is then maybe we’re doing something wrong. Every child is unique and different so we may have to address them differently, but in a consistent way. The main point is that we are addressing them properly and regularly rather than just when problems pop up.
Our children learn the most by watching what we do, another reason to examine ourselves often. For Christians, being good parents is all about raising children who will follow your example in obeying and worshiping the Lord.

Here is what the Bible has to say about parenting:

Proverbs 19:18

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope;
do not be a willing party to his death.

Hebrews 12:11:
All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

Ephesians 6:4
And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

I think if we want to be good parents whether you are a Christian or not you have to look at your priorities, and how you treat your husband or wife, and that will reflect the kind of parent you truly are. Children are not ignorant to our behavior. They pick up on every little thing we do. They are brutally honest at times, and very, very perceptive. If they see us treating our spouse negatively then why should we expect them to treat anyone differently?

I want the best for children and parents because I do understand the frustrations and trials of dealing with these issues. More importantly I understand and see the rewards and growth that takes place when children are having parent-relationship needs met.

Thanks for reading and God bless you!

In Christ,

Joey

(This is a little hard to watch, but so true)